Lydia's musings.. =)

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Friday, May 30, 2008

*...Life signals...*

~the cold is giving me a brain freeze.. the heater is dehydrating me from the surface area of my body.. =_=~

We have all grown up in the company of people. Well, maybe for Singapore, we dont have that much of a choice anyway, cos its SO small. To put it in a chemistry context, we're just like tiny water molecules ..vibrating vigourously... moving so fast.... constantly knocking into other equally 'stressed out and crazy' molecules. Conversations take place everyday...and sometimes we find it such a bother... "oh why must I keep thinking of things to say to keep the conversations moving"...
It might be for a job.. it might be a social thing. But often, in the overdose of 'company' we feel absolutely tired out.

... sometimes we might even ask the question.." Why do I have to talk to people anyway?"
...people are complex, they're not like me.. they take too much effort to get to know.. im an introvert..I pretty much like to keep to myself.

I think... subconsciously, I have been pondering upon these things. And recently, as i was daydreaming on the bus *to the city..i think* I experienced a half DING moment. [with reference to Benji's blog] Labelled an extrovert, Im almost expected to be easy with any kind of person. Thats true to a certain extent, I can start conversations.. BUT not necessarily with any kind of person..on the conturary... Im more a passive person...I prefer to listen. SO while..I MAY BE able to thicken my skin..plaster a smile and strike up an animated convo with a random person, it takes that bit of me.and tires me out..cos.... deep inside, Im actually scared. Scared of what the world might throw at me.. scared...perhaps of...rejection.

But if you stop and think... what is life without anybody around to talk to.. to fellowship with.. to share life with? All of us are so different in so many ways.. some of us are introverts..hermits in our own world. But deep inside, we've all been built with a very basic yet essential mechanism. The need for LOVE and FELLOWSHIP. We cannot survive without fellowship.. without interaction and love. Babies,provided with full nutrition, literally wither and die without affection(human touch) Think abt it. God made us to be in fellowship with Him. (Genesis 1-2). This inborn need is also reflected in our T cells. Our very important class of immune cells in the body. T cells are made in the thymus and undergo a selection process. The cells the dont have a basic slight interaction with another specific class of immune cells, the dendritic cells, bascially dont recieve a survival signal and dies off.

True fellowship and socialising is something we cant run away from.. and it hit me thats its also something we cant do without! Im glad God made you... for me... for us! =D So Id treasure fellowship.. ... ... and thank God for ingraining something so beautiful into our system. =)

Haha... wacky fellowship =) Yewlim, JuneBayyyy and Benji. =)

What is your life signal today? Will you speak life into a passing 'molecule'.. giving the essential survival signal so that the molecule will go on and live its life to the fullest? Or would you shrug off contact ... living within the walls you built up over the years... freezing into an ice cube..... .. ..?

Scribbled at 11:27 AM

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Monday, May 19, 2008

*The shadow proves the sunshine*

Recently, the song 'The shadow proves the sunshine* by Swichfoot has been repeating its play cycles in the ipod. And the words stuck... little snippets like..

.....sunshine, wont you help me sing... ...

......Please Lord, dont look the other way... ....

.......dry eyes in the pouring rain.. ....

......let the shadows prove the sunshine.... ....

Even when work threatens to drown me, when insecurities threaten to tear me up.. when hopeless and helplessness tend to draw its cloak around me..when I get so scared and the walls just seem to keep closing it.

I run to your feet again...falling to me knees. sometimes a little voice in me goes "maybe He wont hear you today.." Yet doggedly... I pursue after You.. knowing you're above human comprehension.. that Youd still hear me no matter the cost.. because You are... You. Like a child crying for his mother's embrace.. like a lamb bleating and in search of the comfort of his mom's company.. So i run to You, my Lord and Father.. and I pray that You'd let me hide under the shadow of your wings.. where the icy blast of winds cannot get at me.. where the fiery darts are deflected.

You know human nature in me is to run... to run away from that which I dont wish to face.. .. which really makes up to everything. . and most of the time.. you still let me run. Like an obstinate child with limited strength in his limbs.. I run, knowing I get nowhere.. knowing Id never outrun the storm just because I cant. But always.. You are there. amd You are my sunshine.. Let Your rays oh so shine on my I pray... that with your warmth, the shadow is nothing. And with the knowledge and experience of sunhine.. I will not fear the storm... ...

... .. ...and that... ... even as You are my sun...I can be sunshine to the people around me. even to the shadow behind me...

... shine on me... ...

Scribbled at 7:26 AM

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Thursday, May 08, 2008

*~ A relationship.. the stuff of fairytales?*~

Every girl dreams of her knight on a white horse that will carry her away into the horizon... where 'happily ever happens'. As we grow up and reality hits, some give up this dream.. many settle for much less. But how much really.. of this fairytale story can we still take home and like fairy dust, let it gently settle on our relationships and let us fall in love all over again... and when the bells will chime and the music slowly cresendos into a finale love song?...

A kid stubbornly holding onto this fragment of a fairytale dream I have. Maybe thats what I am. But though everything seems against.. and maybe I just might end up an old spinster, a part of me in my heart still always yearns for that little but of magic that will complete a relationship..
I dont believe in settling for less from the point of marriage..marrying someone that cant sweep you off your feet..that you're not madly in love with. I dont believe the replacement of passion and love in a relationship with familarity and convenience is a norm to be accepted. I dont believe in 'tryout' marriages..living together to see if you can tolerate each other's living habits. I dont believe a women has to close one eye and allow her man to have other women to satisfy and pacify him..to keep the marriage and family together.

I believe that a couple continues dating throughout the life you live together as husband and wife. I believe that true love waits.. and that passion should be a part of a genuine relationship. I believe that if you truely love a person.. you love him even for his faults.. so what there you cant live with? I believe marriages can be worked out between just the 2 individuals...and last of all I believe God is the centre of every marriage.. and if your marriage is blessed and approved by him, then you're truely blessed indeed. =)

So..why am I thinking such thoughts? Well, lately, events have come my way leading me to think abt it. Recently I was talking to an ex-colleague/ex-boss on msn. He got married recently. The conversation went along something like this :

HIM: Hey..hows you and your bf?
ME: BF? oh ya... i didnt tell you hor, we broke up a pretty long time ago already. =)
HIM: Oh really? Aiya.. Then I stood a chance..
ME: eh?
HIM: I had something for you last time.. ...*something something something...* Im married already.. but you would have been the one...
ME: O.o?!!! *i couldnt say anything*
HIM: But would you have liked me last time..and gone out with me?
ME: no. -_-
HIM: BYE. joking. why?
ME: Its because I only regarded you as a friend. We dont complement each other...its a relationship that wouldnt last. Arent friendships better? Its friendships that really lasts. Relationships die off. A relationship is not a game to me.
HIM: I dont mind short relationships.. you know, where u both can hold hands..
ME: I cant do those. Every relationship I go through takes a bit of me. Its how I am.. =P
*Disclaimer..i cant remember word for word.. but this is the gist of the convo.*

My friend is happy with his wife now. Im happy for him. =) But thats how it is... do we throw ourselves easily into a relationship satisfied just by holding hands with the people we like at the moment? Are we ok with settling for less, believing the 'prince' doesnt exisit anwyay? I believe with all my heart that he does. and that he doesnt have to be perfect. But Id love him anyway, just as he is...in his inperfections.. and in what he may not be able to give me.. His inperfections will pale so small against what I see in him..what I see in that heart, and know that truely, this is the one for me.

So I will wait.. in front of the tree stump by the windy paths and wait for you to come my way. You who will slay my dragons who will shield me from fiery darts. You who will come someday and colour my world with your presence.

So...wait. All ye other maidens of the world. Of whom your prince has not yet come. Wait and tary. For surely God will provide... for He has seen our hearts and know what we truely need.. for He is who He is.. =)

Scribbled at 9:10 PM

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Friday, May 02, 2008

* my little balls of fun *

I had my share of being STRESSED over assignments last week. Oh why oh why do u wait till the last min to do major assignments..you silly like girl. *frumps* But ya...all the additional lab work has got me busy... and sleepy and to say time flies really doesnt give it enough credit. It moves faster than that.. -_-'''

Im a whole lot less stressed this week... but Im doing work. Gotta be consistant.. * SIGH* the terrors of school work. But I did tell God that Id do whatever He puts in my hand to do. And for now, its assignments.. so.. GoOoOo Lyds.

I love making dessert. Today, we kinda hosted dinner over at our place.. so I had a chance to try out my 'little balls of fun'!!! hahaha.. I have no idea what their actual name is, but its ALMOST like an inside-out Onde Onde. And they're kinda fun to make.. =P The recipe is my mom's and I called home to get it!

So..this is it. Little glutinous rice balls with palm sugar dressing. =) If you have a sweet tooth, youd love it. hahaha. Yewlim was stealing spoonfuls of sugar right out of my pot! hahahaha -_-''' I shall try to shape it some other way next time..and break out of the mould of making balls... since wally commented.. " You really like making balls heh.."
I cant help it if the things I make then to swing in the 'ball-like' direction!! hahaha...

ok now... work.. and Longan farm tmr! YAY!!!

Scribbled at 9:35 PM