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Thursday, April 27, 2006

*The Smile*

Draped with finery...my tutu skirt protruded out in it's perfection.My dazzling leotard a pale pink, slimmering as light from the spotlight reflected off it. My tights...not a hole in them today..satined point shoes firm enough to support my weight with it's satin ribbons entwined around my ankles, giving the impression that i'm stuck with them forever.My makeup was that of perfection. It accentuated my features perfectly. several layers thick...it's not going to run when I sweat. I stood poised and ready for the music. Going into the dance that would meet the expections of my audience.

Yet in me trembled a heart that was tender and afraid. A heart that was scared. A heart that knew love, pain and rejection. The sea of faces stared expressionless, eyes filled with expectation. I was scared. My face never once betrayed what I felt. Years of experience endowed me with the ability to pick the right mask. My limbs moved with the precision of a puppet. Flawless. Yet in me, I hungered for something more. For a love that would see through my defences, that would love beyoud the perfection of my outfit. To see the soul that was hiding inside.

My toeshoes clopped softly as I twirled on stage. Despite it's beautiful appearance, my toeshoes hurt my toes badly. But it was a profession and one does not show it. Solos...all I ever dance was solos. I'm all alone on this huge stage and it's lonely..really lonely. As my limbs performed what they were programmed to do...I noticed a man from the audience. He was not well dressed from the others. A person of humble dressing i would say. He stood up from the crowd...and from He's eyes shot becons of love that penetrated to the very soul of my being. Something broke within of me. For once, I faltered.. and to my horror, my legs gave way under me. The sea of faces seemed to mock me as i toppled as a leaf onto the stage. But suddenly, He was there. He caught me as i fell. I gazed into His face..I knew Him..i knew Him! Somehow, I've knew Him since the beginning of time. He defined love. Completely faultless, humble and holy. I call Him LOVE.

He swung me around effortlessly and urged me into a waltz. My eyes wided in gratefulness. He saved me from embarassment..from falling flat onto my face. Not a word passed between us as we danced. The steps were foreign...steps that my limbs had not been programmed to do. Yet, He patiently taught me as we danced and guided me with His gentle, yet masterful hands. I gazed into the eyes that contained pure love. The kind of love that gave and expected nothing in return. Deespite my perfect outer appearance, I suddenly felt very blemished. The man had eyes that could see right through to the core of my being. Yet, He's eyes never once showed despise..but understanding and a hope that burned so bright my heart leapt within me. He's eyes conveyed the message clear as crsytal "I have come to give life and to give it more abundantly" I couldnt stop a tear from rolling off my eye. "Forgive me, my Lord" my heart cried. If i didnt know love and forgiveness that day..i saw it all in the eyes of Him who loved me and knew me before the foundations of the earth.

The song came to an end and the man melted into the sidewings. Yet His aura of love bubbled within me. I was no longer a puppet. I was set free! And as I scanned the faces of the audience, I saw them instead through the eyes of the one who loved them.Behind the expressionless masks were hurting hearts, broken spirits. In essence, they were just like me. But I no longer lived a lie. When I gave it all to the man who's eyes could not contain the dept of love, a new fire of life burned within me. I knew then what I was commisioned to do. I wanted to love.. I dont know what tomorrow has in store, but I know who holds my hand..

As I slipped into my final pose, a smile spread across my face for the first time ever. Dang the thick cake of makeup..who cares. The world's my stage..I have to smile.. ...

*Your Grace has found me just as I am..empty handed but alive in Your hands...*

Scribbled at 8:55 PM





Saturday, April 22, 2006

*oUcHieS*

Got wacked by a huge glass door today. Ah..the sacrifices I make to satisfy my craving for POCKY..and it's gotta be strawberry flavoured! *grinz* All because Popular ran out of the strawberry flavoured ones! And i had to run a big round to another palce to get it. And I must proclaim that...it wasnt my fault that I got hit...countary to what u might think. The enterance is designed in such a way that you got to take a step up into the shop. It's an air-conditioned shop, so that explained the big glass door. So I happily opened the door and went in..(excited about POCKY) and like all nOrmal behaving people, u let go of the door after walking in right? well, that lousy door did a back swing and hit me right back..oww. something my crocs were not able to block...small boo boo for my left feet. Lousy design....aiya...then again, i'll live with it..i got my strawberry flovoured POCKY! yay! ha ha...

There's a song I found that touched my heart. I guess when i first heard it and saw the lyrics..its a song about me..and I thank God that he could take this mess and make me someone He calls His child.. .. ..

The Real Me - Natalie Grant

Foolish heart looks like we're here again
Same old game of plastic smile
Dont let anyone in
Hiding my heartache, will this glass house break?
How much will they take before I'm empty
Do I let it show, does anybody know?

Chorus
But You see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
cause you see the real me

Painted on, life is behind a mask
Seld-inflicted circus clown
I'm tired of the song and dance
Living a charade, always on parade
What a mess I've made of my existence
But You still love me even now
And srill i see somehow

Chorus

Wonderful, beautiful, is what You see
When You look at me
You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into
A perfect tapestry
I just wanna be me

*awaken my heart...*

Scribbled at 12:28 AM





Tuesday, April 18, 2006

*Tumbles into a heap of skirts*

Its only been the 2nd day of school...and I'm dying already. That's very fast, considering that I still got alot of school to go. >.<>.< There's something with that potassium iodide crsytals...and Na(2)Moo crystal... either way..no group could finish in time to wait for the autoclaving process to be done..so we're aLl coming back tomorrow morning! yawn...
The 2nd lab on animal cell culture wasnt too bad..it was only briefing..ha ha. Thank God...esp cos I think I caught a flu bug somewhere...keep sneezing..*sniff* and I've got a sore throat. A combo that announces for itself that I fEel quite sick...sigh. Got dance tonight...but i cant not go..can I??...*thinks hard* Some decisions are not entirely for me to make.

Me thinks I'm on a hormonal rollercoaster. There are nights I'm feeling so excited and happy..times where I just wanna roll over and cry...and now I'm ahh-chooing away. I think I need more sleep. And I need to keep awake in lectures.lalala. I wish the lecturers would be more co-orperative somehow. I'm determined to do as well as I can this term. I cant afford not too. Oh dear God, give me the peace and energy to press on.

It's always been said that lonliness is what frightens man most. And I always feel so lonely in school. It always just the routine of " Go for lecture, go to the toilet to pee, go for lunch, go for more lectures, go home." And all these I do with my companions. Well, I guess they are friends...but we dont clique that well...and well trying to all the time can be quite exhausting.

Well, I'm glad..i got the wheels of my final year project starting up. I'm rather delighted actually. hehe. But there's still the conflict of my group members. Expectations tell me that I do it with the group I've always been with for all my practicals since year 2. And I did ask them...and they were 'ok' with it. ok being the keyword. And I know they would do work... ...but i'm pulled into a tight tension. Right at the start, and I'm already expecting miscommunications. Things that I couldnt care less about last time because we were doing our own reports. And communication wasnt thqat important anyway. Work can still get done. Dont get me wrong..I like them..I do. there're still my nice friends...but final year project partners? I can put on a mask, but inside, would I cry because they cannot share the passion or bother to try? Because they'll never understand how much the project would mean to me? Maybe I just wanna throw down the superficiality of our friendship for awhile? argh, well, actually I dont wanna think too much into that. But if I were to offer this project to someone else to do with me..how will they take it? Will they take it that I played them out? At times like this..I feel like going onto my knees and cry.." why me?"

Sigh..there's gotta be an answer. Somebody...drop a prayer for me..hee

Other than that..I'm really happy actually. To find a friend as sweet as dear Jac. hehe.Some one that'll piant the grey clouds pink for me on a gloomy day just by being who she is. My new big sister. hehe. It's amazing how one gets quite tired of being the oldest sister in the family and craves for somebody that'll 'big sister' her for a change. hehe. Thank you for being there...and brightening my day with your smses and your smile! And definately your thoughtful cupcake last night, of which I havent finished...cos I was rushing to school. hee. I'll finsih it thou. hehe. *biong biong*

*and You see..the real me...*

Scribbled at 3:29 PM





Saturday, April 15, 2006

*MuscLe aChEs*

gReAt...my mouthwatering appetizers i was talking abt in the previous blatantly rEfUsES to upload..how uncoorperative...ha ha...and the micro lab photos too..bleah. i'll put it up now. hehe

Here's yummy onion stuff and oh man..the cheese fries are hEavEnLy *grinz* I'm no longer attracted to KFC's chesse fries..haha!


And my lovely microlab people..erm..minus 2..one was on leave...and poor Jac was busy..ah well..hehe.


Today completes the last of my industrial attachment. It's too fast I tell u..too fast. I miss the lab already...probably cos I know I wont be going back for awhile. God has proven to be faithful beyond my expectations. The verse that goes " He will give you your heart's desires"...that plus I know what He has given me, He will be faithful to carry through. My dear micro supervisor offered to let me do my FYP at the lab. I was so excited..i could just manage to say.."oh yes..yEs YES!!"
I was so plesantly surprised...at that time..i was trying to conjure up enough courage to go ask the microbiologiost if he has any good ideas of what kinda project I could do for my FYP...I dun really want to do anything other than micro...I'm gonna be miserable out of the lab. But God went ahead of me and gave me more. I'm overwhelmed...I really am. I guess it's He's way of saying "My child, I fight your battles for you." Thank you, God.

well, today also marks the 2nd day of the easter prouction, The Cross. It's been a success so far...hehe.I'm glad...and I havent fallen off the stage yet! hahaha. Though..i'm really exhausted..phew. well, tomorrow's the last day! I can do it!hehe. Good job, eveybody....rest well..i love you! hehehe.

Went out for supper last night..ha ha...Jac, if you happen to read this..tHanK yOu for the night out..I had real good fun! hehe...to Grace and Marcus too..hehe. I hardly have time to go out and have fun..so last night was a cherished night! whee. Shld do it again sometime! ha ha. Laughing so hard is good exercise for the tummy heh. hehe. But next time, lets go when I'm less tired...hehehe. *biong biong*

ah well, me thinks it's bed time for me...really tired...need rest..need sleep...come here piggypoo~...

*...and He said "Woman, your sins are forgiven.Go and sin no more."*

Scribbled at 11:42 PM





Friday, April 14, 2006

*Happie Belated bIrtHday to mYsElF*

haha...aiya...i wanted to do a birthday post..and put up the funky food i had for dinner and the funky gift Sara darling flew over for mee...BUT i had to at least start my last entry to my log book report..so ya. Put it this way..it's sorta...dIffErEnT to say happy belated birthday to yourself. ha ha. A month ago, i thought...'Bummer...i got attachment on my birthday'not that it was bad enough having exams for my birthday the year before....But I was REALLY happy yesterday. ha ha. Firstly, I got micro for my birthday!! haha. I'm not complaining..i'm elated! ha ha. For those on a different frequency, read my earlier posts..haha. And Charlene came down to lunch with me!! Happy happy..plus she brough pizza and a slice of cake with her(which I have not finished). Thanks dearie!! it was really special! hehe. I had my 'pee partner' come clebrate with me! hehe.

And the sweet students in the lab actually bought a polar cake for me! aww...see...it's speical to have your birthday on an attachment day k..haha. I dont like to be lazing at home on my birthday anyway..ha ha. Oh...wait wait wait wait wait...till u see the prezzie sara sent over...her it is:

This is what is inside...*grinz*

Oh baby..i was so excited at recieving a package! hehe. it doesnt matter that phishie just bought me all the jellybeans i could ever stuff into my mouth...I love the ones you got for me. funky packaging!! *muackz* Thank you sweetie!

Had dinner at Outback steak house last night...well, the food was gorgeous! ha ha...just a tInGe too salty..but yummy...wait till u see the appetisers:


Sigh, it's a sad countdown...2nd last day of attachment..now..i wish i could be as happy as eno( my dear missy is so glad to be outta ward 46) hehe..but..i 'll miss microlab...and all the urine plates..(>.< thats cos they're the only plates I can make sense of)I guess i'll go back to do my final year project thou..wheee...i cant wait..dang arrangements, arrangements, arrangements. haha.

Yawn...i'm ever so exhausted...work tire me out enough...practices keep me out till late. But I'm really excited...the performance is tmr!! yay!who still wants to go? hehe. oh dear God...let me not fall off the stage..or over myself for that matter. hehe. oh..ya..photo taking day...here's a group pic of the microlab n me...erm..minus jac dear..nvm...i'll put up a special pic of her one day..*grinz*


yawn..yAwN...YaWn...oh dear..it's definately bed time for a piggy like me. zZzz...

* "I love you..THIS much" *

Scribbled at 12:48 AM





Sunday, April 09, 2006

tHe cRoSs

The production's around the corner! Hear ye...hear ye! Our annunal easter cantata. Scrap the heavy drama this year, we're going into heavy song and dance. I think i outdid myself this year with so many cheography...i was sOoO stressed..i was sufferig for mental block for awhile..not to mention exhaustive-ness. I'm still tired...more so since we are doing full runs..and dance after dance is no small joke...my stamina is going down the hill. hehe. But the songs are fantastic..and so's the choir. God...u know..sacrificing my time and energy to shout Your name from the hilltop is the least I can do...for You. Jesus u died on the Cross..u suffered for my gain. The weight of the cross is not the weight of the tree..it's the weight of my sins. You saw me as man...weak as I am...and u paid the price.

Lord, I love You....not because I am wise...but because You first loved me..

Anyways...production titled Easter Cantata "The Cross" is on the 14th and 15th of April. That's Good Friday and the day after. It starts at 7.30pm sharp on either day and entry is by tickets...and tickets are FrEe..hehe. those who wana go...call moi! hehe...see me dance..and maybe you'll be treated to a sight of me tumbling off the stage..O.o ha ha. But it's gonna be gOods...u dun wanna miss it! hehe

hMm..*glooms* I'm on my last week of attachment at CGH. weird..i dun wanna leave. That doesnt sound like a normal and expected response from one who's working for no pay, heh. But I cant seem to help it..i got stuck to the microbiology lab..>.< as i discovered after my first week there. It took alot outta me to not walk in there all the time when i was on rotation somewhere else. I was hooked...and like the saying goes..'hook, line and sinker'. Weird..i never liked the smell of bacteria before..nor their morphology..most of them looked the same to me---ugly. But..now there look nice and smell interesting...in a way that i dont not like their smell. wow...revival..O.o

I cant imagine life as it was once again...back to the cycle of school...and microbiology-less. until after my diploma. I managed to get my psychology elective module. ah..psychology..wad i had wanted to study initially..until God put me in the microbio lab. Ah well God, I thank you for the chance to let me try out psychology too. You are gracious...But i guess I'm so addicted to microbio...and the annoying thing is that my textbook is so bigg..and cheem..i dunno where to start. so much for self studying. World biggest goondo. That plus..my memory is so serious lacking...evrything I try to read and remember has to be done several times over or it'll just leak out like my head's a seive.

sigh...i hope i wont cry...not in front of them anyway...darn. mommie always says I get too emotionally attached and that I'm too sentimental. Am I? sigh... If only I can do my FYP on microbiology..then again..i havent got any good ideas on what to do...Yet. God..u got me this far...dont leave me hanging... .. ...

*Once again I look upon the cross where u died...I'm humbled by Your mercy and I'm broken inside*

Scribbled at 12:18 AM







Lydia Evangeline

~Knowing that perfect love casts out all fear, living in the truth, walking in the light~


Adores

My best friend and forever partner, Yewlim. (^_^)
My darlings! Sara and Rach =D
My family and friends (People who give me to strength to smile each day)
All things pink!
Candy. =D Everything's that no good for my teeth. *sob*
Bacteria!

Prayer list

- for LOVE *grin*
- for a JOB

The Wishlist...

- A puppy!
- A digital paino!!! *need need need*
- A polaroid camera
- A mascara that can GROW my eyelashes =D

The Messages





The heartbeat..



Credits .

Editor: Me
Basecodes: black-
Imagehoster; photobucket