Lydia's musings.. =)

♥

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

*Tumbles into a heap of skirts*

Its only been the 2nd day of school...and I'm dying already. That's very fast, considering that I still got alot of school to go. >.<>.< There's something with that potassium iodide crsytals...and Na(2)Moo crystal... either way..no group could finish in time to wait for the autoclaving process to be done..so we're aLl coming back tomorrow morning! yawn...
The 2nd lab on animal cell culture wasnt too bad..it was only briefing..ha ha. Thank God...esp cos I think I caught a flu bug somewhere...keep sneezing..*sniff* and I've got a sore throat. A combo that announces for itself that I fEel quite sick...sigh. Got dance tonight...but i cant not go..can I??...*thinks hard* Some decisions are not entirely for me to make.

Me thinks I'm on a hormonal rollercoaster. There are nights I'm feeling so excited and happy..times where I just wanna roll over and cry...and now I'm ahh-chooing away. I think I need more sleep. And I need to keep awake in lectures.lalala. I wish the lecturers would be more co-orperative somehow. I'm determined to do as well as I can this term. I cant afford not too. Oh dear God, give me the peace and energy to press on.

It's always been said that lonliness is what frightens man most. And I always feel so lonely in school. It always just the routine of " Go for lecture, go to the toilet to pee, go for lunch, go for more lectures, go home." And all these I do with my companions. Well, I guess they are friends...but we dont clique that well...and well trying to all the time can be quite exhausting.

Well, I'm glad..i got the wheels of my final year project starting up. I'm rather delighted actually. hehe. But there's still the conflict of my group members. Expectations tell me that I do it with the group I've always been with for all my practicals since year 2. And I did ask them...and they were 'ok' with it. ok being the keyword. And I know they would do work... ...but i'm pulled into a tight tension. Right at the start, and I'm already expecting miscommunications. Things that I couldnt care less about last time because we were doing our own reports. And communication wasnt thqat important anyway. Work can still get done. Dont get me wrong..I like them..I do. there're still my nice friends...but final year project partners? I can put on a mask, but inside, would I cry because they cannot share the passion or bother to try? Because they'll never understand how much the project would mean to me? Maybe I just wanna throw down the superficiality of our friendship for awhile? argh, well, actually I dont wanna think too much into that. But if I were to offer this project to someone else to do with me..how will they take it? Will they take it that I played them out? At times like this..I feel like going onto my knees and cry.." why me?"

Sigh..there's gotta be an answer. Somebody...drop a prayer for me..hee

Other than that..I'm really happy actually. To find a friend as sweet as dear Jac. hehe.Some one that'll piant the grey clouds pink for me on a gloomy day just by being who she is. My new big sister. hehe. It's amazing how one gets quite tired of being the oldest sister in the family and craves for somebody that'll 'big sister' her for a change. hehe. Thank you for being there...and brightening my day with your smses and your smile! And definately your thoughtful cupcake last night, of which I havent finished...cos I was rushing to school. hee. I'll finsih it thou. hehe. *biong biong*

*and You see..the real me...*

Scribbled at 3:29 PM